YOUR COCKSUCKING PRODUCT HAS REDUCED ME TO A GIBBERING MAN-APE WHOSE ONLY RESORT TO DEALING WITH THE ALMIGHTY FUCKING GRIEF IT’S BESTOWED UPON ME IS TO SCREAM AND HURT MYSELF.
Seriously, I am jumping up and down and throwing my shit in handfuls at the fucking monitor in some impotent primal effort to get the thing to work. I have been sitting here trying to enjoy your product - YOUR PRODUCT, YOUR GAME, YOUR CONTRACT BETWEEN DEVELOPER AND CONSUMER THAT THE CONSUMER WILL ENJOY YOUR PRODUCT - but instead the damn thing’s been crawling out of the computer and taking warm shits in my gaping mouth. Swear to god, you should have just added a little door to the game’s UI through which a hand pops out and flips me off, because I am insulted that your QA or testers or whatever brainless shitstove three genes short of a monkey FAGNUT signs your games through thought that a person with more than a single fucking digit IQ could enjoy Titan Hard Mode. INSULTED.
WORK WITH ME HERE: The goal’s simple enough! Defeat Titan! Hey, that’s fine, it’s just like playing the grand fucking prix; not a problem! Only deal is your cross-eyed team of tongue-slapping wunderkind decided to give the game every single fucking advantage possible TO THE GAME rather than me.
How in the fuck does Weight of the Land - whose AOE is the slowest and lamest piece of shit next to the Overpower - suddenly become SO FUCKING GOOD that everyone keeps getting hit? Huh!? Why!? You never see people get hit by this in normal mode. BUT HO HO HO THIS TIME HE’S MEGA-COCK, THE FASTEST FAGGOT IN THE WORLD. 1.21 GIGAWATTS MARTY, LET’S GO BACK TO THE FUCKING FUTURE.
But it’s not just Weight of the Land with the magical powers, it’s the entire fucking rotation of moves! THEY’RE ALL ONE HIT INSTANT KILL DEATH MOVES AND PEOPLE KEEP GETTING CAUGHT IN THEM.
But but but I of course, am still stuck with some piece of shit party who guzzles their entire energy bar in no less than four fucking Tumults! Add to this the entire arena just got shitted on by some retarded space tiki volacano god and you’ve got a arena full of hazards that’ll drain at least 1/4 of your energy bar JUST BECAUSE IT CAN. WHOOPIE.
HURRR, you say. THAT’S JUST THE CHALLENGE. IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EASY. Well fuck that noise, you lopsided frankenfaced fuckfurter.
Tell me, please, why does the GAME have to win? Huh? What happens when the game wins and I lose? Is there some huge fucking kegger waiting for it when it gets done? Is there money involved? Or perhaps the motives are more sinister. Maybe the game’s family is being held hostage by another game and that game has it’s cock in Final Fantasy XIV’s wife’s mouth and he’s holding a cell phone up to her and FFXIV can hear her pained moans and cries for help and the asshole game then says, “You beat that cock-sucking human, or I’ll blow her brains out.” I COULD UNDERSTAND THAT. I CAN BE SYMPATHETIC.
It’s not any fun if I can’t win, you faggots. I want to move on. I want to unlock whatever piece of shit relic weapon you have hidden away from me so I can start more raids and get pissed off with them too. When your game prevents me from fully enjoying the product I have bought you have failed in your fucking mission to deliver a game. You lose! You break the contract! You contract the gay and fucking DIE DIE DIE.